Kneeling down on the rubbery, red track within the white linear confines of her lane, Maia’s foot flexed on the starting block. The sun beamed down on her heavily melanated skin as if adding fuel to her fire. She was mentally zoned in as she envisioned crossing the finish line while her competitors trail behind. A warm breeze whisked across her face, sending her pulled up locks dancing in the wind. Maia leaned, stone-faced, on the track, anticipating the starter’s pistol.
As soon as the sound of the pistol cracked through the air, there they all went, a wave of athletic young women bolting down the track with reckless abandon.
Maia’s powerful quadriceps were a force to be reckoned with as she effortlessly surpassed each young lady, blazing toward the finish line. In her peripheral, she could see Kecia Thompson to her right, determined to steal her victory.
Maia and Kecia’s athletic rivalry goes back to the block in their hood from when they were 9 years old. The year was 1998 and all the kids from the neighborhood would gather to watch them and others, including a few boys, sprint it out down the Project streets. The two girls would obliterate each and every boy who dared to participate. However, Maia and Kecia would often tie and would have to have a run-off for first place. Maia won the tie-breakers more often than not. As they grew up, they were close friends, but always seemed to be in competition with one another. Today was no different.
Powered up by Kecia’s competitive energy, which boosted her own, Maia lengthened her stride to take a slightly larger lead as they approached the end. With Kecia only a few inches behind, Maia lunged forward just as she crossed the finish line. Kecia missed victory by a split second. The crowd is hysterical as the other girls follow through.
Pacing back and forth, trying to catch her breath, Maia felt hands on her shoulder and heard voices congratulating her but everything went dim when her gaze landed upon an Adonis. Standing in the bleachers with his tall, muscular physique and chocolate brown skin glistening from sweat in the sunlight, Maia could feel his eyes upon her. It was as if his energy was drawing her near. Both were mesmerized, and the whole arena appeared to vanish as they were locked in a moment of fate.
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Maia jumped up in bed, startled out of her sleep by the sound of the doorbell. It was a Saturday morning, and she was dead tired from clocking over 45 hours of work this past week and certainly not in the mood for unexpected visitors. Who would be dropping in so early anyway? Her circle was so small – basically a me-myself-and-I situation – so it was safe to say that it wasn’t a friend or family member. Figuring it to be solicitors, she simply ignored whoever it was.
Plopping back onto her pillow, she noticed her shirt was drenched in sweat. She was also baffled as to why her shoulders felt a bit sunburnt. Recalling her dream, Maia could almost feel the warmth of the sun that toasted her skin on the track. There was a sudden, overwhelming feeling of joy in her spirit which was certainly a rare occasion since these days all Maia usually feels is anxiety.
A vision of her tall, handsome mystery dream lover flooded her memory, albeit a younger version. Maia felt energetically connected to whoever he was. His essence transcended time and space to reach her. As she rested on her pillow and closed her eyes, Maia felt exactly what she felt in the dream. As his spirit pulled at hers like a magnetic draw, her deplorable reality began to fade away.
The doorbell rang again, snapping her back to the here and now. Soon after, her cell phone began to buzz on the nightstand. Glancing at the caller ID, her stomach tied in knots upon seeing the name of her ex-boyfriend, Lucian Baxter.
It took Maia over a decade to realize that her relationship with Lucian was toxic and destructive. By the time he discarded her like Thursday’s garbage, the damage was already done. She wished she would have taken heed to the desperate cries of her intuition and steered clear of Lucian a decade ago. She had no idea the turmoil that laid in wait for her the day she allowed him into her life.
As the phone continued to ring, she peeped out of the upstairs window to see if it was him at the door. Even though they hadn’t spoken in almost a year, Lucian would text her often. Maia would never respond but it didn’t stop him. He had always been persistent.
Peering down from the window, she could clearly see Lucian standing at her front door, with shopping bags in tow.
His motives baffled Maia. Back when she pushed him out of the home they shared together in order to stand up for herself, finally, he had made it clear that she was old news. After years of treating her like a queen the early stages of their relationship, he had gradually began taking jabs at her self-esteem. Maia began to feel discarded like a worthless piece of trash. After a decade in, he had become argumentative and condescending and barely touched her at all. Tired of his games, she forced him out of the house because she felt that home should be a place of refuge. With Lucian there, home felt like a battleground.
Not in the mood for his shenanigans, she debated whether or not she should just ignore him altogether. After all, he was uninvited and unexpected.
In the midst of her indecision, she heard Lucian call up from outside.
“I see you, Maia. Please let me in. I need to talk to you.”
Being too kind had always been an issue for her. Very intelligent and book smart, Maia was a bonafide fool when it came to real life. Her naivete made her a prime target for people like Lucian. He did his work on her and she had become totally devoid of her self-worth. Hanging on to an emotionally unfulfilling relationship, suppressing the best parts of herself because her partner could not comprehend her multi-dimensional essence eventually transformed her into a different person. What she could not resolve is why she pushed herself aside for this human. What kind of Voodoo was that? It’s like there was a magical spell cast to completely and utterly destroy whatever light Maia held within. Like a Pavlovian dog, she had been conditioned to believe that without Lucian, she was worthless, and he definitely kept her on a tight leash, even to this day.
Like a good Pavlovian subject, she went down to the door to receive her unexpected guest.
“What do you want, Lucian?” Maia asked, dryly after opening the front door.
“Well, it’s nice to see you, too. I was thinking about you so I bought you some things.”
This man has walked right into this house acting like there hasn’t been nearly twelve months between their last conversation and now. What would make him think to go shopping for a woman who seemingly repulsed him just a few years ago? The woman who kicked him out of the house and just unblocked his phone number on her cell phone a year ago? Things did not end amicably but here he was, bearing gifts.
He walked up the stairs into the kitchen and began unloading the bags on the kitchen table. Maia felt nauseous after seeing the stuff he had purchased. There was stuff she had been pondering online but couldn’t afford to buy any of it. Yet, here it was, right here in Lucian’s hands.
“I’m not going to accept any of this stuff, Lucian.” Maia said sternly. “What is it that you want?”, she asked impatiently.
“Don’t be ungrateful. I know what you like and what you need. I know you better than anyone ever will and I just wanted to remind you.”, he said as he tried to grab Maia’s hand.
“What is wrong with you, boy? How are you going to show up to my house unexpected? We haven’t spoken in a long minute, yet you think it’s okay to bring me all this stuff and expect me to kiss your damn feet?”, Maia said angrily after snatching away from Lucian’s grasp.
“Look, I miss you. I just needed to see you and I knew you could use some things to cheer you up. You deserve nice things, Maia.”, he said.
How he knew exactly what to buy was troubling Maia. She always felt like he just knew too much about her whereabouts because there’d be times where he’d just show up where she was. There are coincidences and then there’s stalking. Lucian was giving stalker vibes.
“You’re looking good woman!”, he said. Maia knew it was a damn lie because she looked like a racoon with dark bags under her eyes and she hadn’t taken her sleep bonnet off yet. Her t-shirt had holes all over it and she stood barefoot with unkempt toenails. She had no motivation to keep herself up these days. No one noticed her, ever.
“Lucian, I appreciate your kind gesture but I need to get ready to go so could you please gather these things and leave, please?”, Maia said trying her best to be patient.
“Where are you going? You working today? I got you. You need to stay and hang with me today. I have a movie in mind we can watch. I’ll cover you for today.”
As wonderful as the idea of a full paid day off sounded, just as good as ice water in the middle of a desert, Maia fought herself to decline. The consequences just weren’t worth it. She had already given him too much of her time. She spent over a decade of her life with Lucian and when their relationship finally ended, she still wasn’t clear on who he was. As a matter of fact, when they officially split, she was no longer clear on who she was, either. Many of her beautiful years spent in an on-and-off relationship with someone who never said he loved her. During their splits, she would meet more compatible men who would treat her as she desired but Lucian would always draw her back in. Even though he kept woman in his queue to keep his ego inflated, Maia was the only one stupid enough to try to build a life with him. She ignored every red flag and shushed her intuition every single day because she was the type to see the “potential” in a person, even though who he really was just seemed unreachable. When she reflects on their time together, she realizes that there was no depth to their connection; only a superficial façade of love. In her head she imagined he’d one day step into the man she knew he could be. She saw bits and pieces of his goodness every now and again, but none of it really made a permanent stay. Right there below the surface of gross machismo and sickening arrogance, Maia saw glimpses of an ideal partner. She could feel the “good” within him, and it kept her waiting for twelve whole years hoping it would break through the surface. It never did and it never will. It was all just a sadistic illusion. If there really was any goodness hiding there, it was definitely being held hostage by his goliath-sized ego.
“I’m very flattered that you care enough to pay for my day off, but I need to get moving. I actually feel better when I’m active.”, Maia said.
It was best to cut their encounters short because if she was too nice, he’d keep popping up and pretending like they are still together. If she is too cold, he says she rude and negative. All she wanted to do was try to move on with her life. A life without the confusion of being with someone she feels she can’t flourish with. Why does he keep trying to stay connected? Doesn’t he want to move on and find someone he can have a future with?
“Why do you treat me like this? I’m nothing but nice to you but you treat me like I’m a bother. I’m the only one who fools with you at this point. You should be glad I’m here for you.”, Lucian said.
And there it was: Lucian’s Modus Operandi. It was how he kept stringing her along for so many years. It’s strange how she fell for it for all that time. It’s like she was under a spell.
“Thank you for being thoughtful. I really appreciate all you do. I just really need to get moving.”
She finally learned that taking the high road worked with Lucian. He never knows how to respond to genuine positivity.
Drawing out his exit for fifteen whole minutes, Lucian finally exited the front door. Maia watched through the window as he drove away, feeling as though the dark cloud that was blocking the sunlight finally blew away. He always managed to stir up negative emotions within her, even though they rarely speak.
Looking at the table, she realized that he left the things he purchased. Maia felt there would be some sort of dues to pay for accepting his gifts. Like it was opening a gateway back into the hell she lived throughout their relationship.
Feeling absolutely drained of every drop of energy, Maia made a cup of coffee hoping caffeine would give her the boost she needed to get herself together.
Stop to Love 